Consent
Hear this word Consent
Also known as: Permission
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What Is It?
Consent is when people willingly agree or give permission to do something.
If a person is forced or threatened to do something, that is not consent.
Consent is important for all parts of life. Consent is important for everyday, non-sexual activities. For example, consent is important when selecting a movie or show to enjoy with others. There needs to be consent when borrowing someone’s book or pen. And it’s important to have consent before giving people we know a hug or a high-five.
Consent is important during medical visits with a health care provider, working with a care assistant, and when interacting with friends and family.
Consent is important for sexual activities. Both you and sexual partners make sure there is consent for each and every sexual activity before doing the activity together.
People can always change their mind and decide that they no longer want to do something. When this happens, there is no consent for the activity. If you or other people consent to do something together and then someone decides at any point that they do not want to do that thing anymore, this is okay and the activity should stop. This is true for non-sexual activities and for any sexual activities with partners.
An Example
Cora and Tomin talk about what they would like to do before and during activities that are sexual and activities that are not sexual. Sometimes they want to do different things, so they try to find things that they both are interested in doing. If Cora or Tomin do not want to do a certain activity anymore, they will shake their head, move their partner away, or say, “stop.” Cora and Tomin always immediately stop what they are doing to check in with each other. Sometimes they choose to continue what they were doing but in a more comfortable way and sometimes they decide to do something else.
Communicating to choose an enjoyable activity
What to Know
Every glossary word connects to different parts of the Sexuality Wheel. Explore the information below to learn more.
- Sharing what does and does not feel good to us helps us communicate with our partners.
- When partners share what they do not want to do, or if they change their mind during sexual activity, we must accept what they are communicating.
- We should never force anyone to do anything that does not feel good to them. Instead, we can take time to find things that feel good or comfortable to us and to our partners.
- People may need to communicate about consent in ways that are verbal or non-verbal. Using gestures or communication devices like a Dynavox can allow people to say yes or no.
- If you or another person does not want to do something, then that thing should not happen. It doesn’t matter if the thing is a hug, a kiss, sex, a handshake, an examination during a checkup, or support from a care assistant.
- The activities that we may want to do with a partner can change from day to day or even minute by minute, and that is okay! Sharing what we might like to do or explore with partners before we start sexual activity can be helpful, but people can always change their minds, and that’s okay.
- In some situations, a person might experience a sexual consent assessment. This is to show that they can consent to sexual activity and that they have information to practice safer sex.
Think about
Hover or tap the cards below to reveal suggestions or ideas!
What might a person say or do to give consent?
They might appear happy, relaxed, eager, and they communicate that they are enjoying something and want it to continue.
If we ask someone to do something, but they do not agree or do not give consent, how should we respond?
- Listen to what they are communicating.
- Respect and accept what they are communicating.
- Don’t do anything that the other person does not agree to do.
- Say, “OK. We won’t do that.”
What might a person say or do if they are not giving consent or are not agreeing to do something?
They may appear uncomfortable, panicked, nervous, angry, and they may communicate that they want to stop, leave, or escape the situation. They might say: “I do not want to do this anymore,” “No” or “Stop.”
