Abusive relationship
Hear this word Abusive relationship
Also known as: Abuse, domestic abuse, domestic violence, relationship violence, abusive relationship, intimate partner violence
Image description: Being in an abusive relationship
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What Is It?
An abusive relationship is when a person does or says things to control another person in a relationship. Abusive behavior can scare, threaten, hurt, or embarrass someone. Sometimes abuse can lead to physical or emotional harm or death.
Abuse is never okay. People of any age, gender, ability, sexual orientation, or background can experience abuse or can cause harm in a relationship.
If you or someone you know is or might be in an abusive relationship, contact a therapist, someone you trust, or a domestic violence hotline such as thehotline.org.
An Example
Lin was in an abusive relationship. Lin’s partner would yell at Lin and say mean things to embarrass Lin. Lin did not want to stay in the abusive relationship. Lin asks people she trusts to help her leave the relationship. Together they create a safety plan.
The plan had phone numbers of people Lin trusts. Lin even memorized some of the numbers. Lin has a code word to use with friends and family if Lin needed help. They find safe places Lin could go to when Lin leaves the house. They create a plan to pick Lin up and Lin knows exactly what to take when she needs to leave the home. Lin gets connected to legal support for people in abusive relationships. Lin feels safer now that they are not in an abusive relationship and have plans and support to feel safer.
Getting out of an abusive relationship
What to Know
Every glossary word connects to different parts of the Sexuality Wheel. Explore the information below to learn more.
- Abuse can include forcing a person to do things they do not want to do like sexual activity. Sexual activity without consent is not sex. It is violence.
- It is never okay to say or do things to control, hurt, scare, threaten. or embarrass another person.
- If a person experiences abuse from someone, it is not that person’s fault. It is the abuser’s fault.
- Abusive relationships are never okay. Different types of relationships can be abusive. Abuse can happen in romantic or sexual relationships. Abuse can happen between family members, friends, strangers, or even between staff such as a care assistant and the person they support.
- If you or someone you know is or might be in an abusive relationship, contact a therapist, someone you trust, or a domestic violence hotline such as thehotline.org or other hotlines listed in the Resource Hub.
- People who abuse others or who try to control others must stop their abusive behavior. They can contact a therapist to stop their abusive behavior.
Think about
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What can a person do if they are experiencing abuse or think they might be in an abusive relationship?
- Tell people they trust.
- Create a safety plan with people they trust. The safety plan can include important phone numbers, items the person needs to take with them, and ideas for what the people they trust will do to help the person during an emergency or harmful situation.
- Contact a therapist.
- Call a domestic violence or domestic abuse hotline such as thehotline.org or other hotlines listed in the Resource Hub.
What might be signs of abuse?
- Behaviors that hurt, scare, threaten, or embarrass someone.
- Forcing someone to keep secrets or to do things they do not want to do, including sexual activity.
- Controlling a person’s money, clothing, housing, friendships, and connections to family.
- Hitting or physically attacking the other person.