How To Use This Toolkit
For Parents/Caregivers
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Welcome!
Congratulations on wanting to support the sexual and reproductive health of your loved one.
Sexuality is a part of the lives of people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Yet people with disabilities are often left out of sexuality education.
As a parent or caregiver, you have an important role to play in making sure young people with disabilities get the sexuality information they need.
Talking about sexuality topics can be affirming and can bring you closer together, and sometimes talking about sexuality can also be uncomfortable. You may not have had extensive sexuality education yourself, or did not grow up having these conversations with your loved ones. Don’t let discomfort stop you from having these important conversations.
Talking about this topic and offering your support is invaluable. This toolkit provides an opportunity for you to learn side by side with your loved one. It was created with input from people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, parents and caregivers, and professionals in the disability and sexuality education fields. There is no right or wrong way to use the tool. This page will offer some tips to help get you started!
Why use this toolkit?
Sexuality is a natural part of your loved one’s development and they have the right to information to help them navigate their sexuality.
This toolkit provides factual information to support learning about bodies, sexual health and sexuality. In it, you will find sexual health words, images, stories from people with disabilities who have navigated sexuality situations, and resources for more learning.
You can use all of these tools to help start and normalize conversations about sexuality. The tools may answer questions that you and your loved one may have about sexual health and sexuality. They may also give you information on how to make informed and supported decisions with your loved one about their sexual health and their sexuality. This toolkit will not give you all the answers, but it is an excellent place to start.
Communication Tips
Before you talk:
- Do some research. Review this toolkit before you start a conversation. You are not expected to know everything. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or look up information you don’t know.
- Be prepared to have age appropriate conversations in ways your young person can understand and relate to. For example, it’s ideal to talk about puberty before it happens.
- Don’t assume your young person isn’t interested in dating, relationships, and sexual activity. Make sure young people with disabilities get information about dating, relationships, and safer sex.
- Check in with yourself. Be aware of your values around sexuality topics. Notice what topics are more difficult for you to discuss or which you have strong values around. It’s important to share your values with your child, and it’s also important to give them space to form their own! Be mindful of verbal or nonverbal communication that may come across as judgment, which can close the door to conversations. Nonverbal communication that might come across as judgemental can include rolling your eyes, making heavy sighs, frowning, or making negative expressions. Verbal communication that might come across as judgemental can include criticism or even a tone of voice.
- We developed this toolkit based on our values. Take a look at our Guiding Principles and take time to reflect on your own.
- Plan ahead. Think about the best time to start a conversation. Maybe that’s a time of day you’re usually both relaxed, or maybe it’s when traveling in the car. Find a private place where you and your loved one are comfortable. Minimize distractions like phones and TV while talking.
- Gather your support networks. Check in with the other people in your lives to share your values and plans for talking about these topics. Ask them to respect your approach so the youth can get consistent supportive messages. Other people you might want to talk to include other caregivers, relatives, siblings, direct support professionals and personal care attendants and even close teachers.
Get Talking
- Start with what your loved one is interested in. Ask them what they already know and what they want to learn more about.
At the end of this page are some general conversation starters. And at the end of every glossary word and story are “Think About” reflection cards that you can use to start a conversation with your loved one!
- Use concrete and accurate words. Try to avoid slang to help your young person get accurate information. If your young person uses slang, ask them what they mean by the word to clarify and build understanding. You know how your young person learns best. Apply that knowledge to this topic like any other!
- Embrace everyday moments to start a conversation. Use a sexuality related current event or news story to start a conversation about a topic. You can start with any sexuality topic!
Use the toolkit to start a conversation. Show your loved one a glossary word or story and ask what they think.
- Show you are listening. Repeat what you hear and use words (e.g. “I hear you” or “okay”) and nonverbal cues (e.g. head nods) to show you’re paying attention.
- Check for understanding. Throughout the conversation, check for understanding and be aware of your loved one’s verbal and nonverbal communication. Ask open-ended questions that go beyond providing a fact or a yes or no answer. For example, ask “ Tell me what you understand.” Include questions that require the young person to apply the information to possible scenarios (you can review the “real stories” section for ideas!). [link to real stories here]
- Emphasize safety and talk about pleasure, too. It’s critical to emphasize safety messages. And don’t forget to talk about positive aspects of sexuality as well, like building a connection with others, feeling good, and exploring an important part of your identity.
- Learn together. It’s okay to learn about a topic together. And it is okay to get support from your loved one’s circle of support (doctor, support staff, therapist).
And keep talking…
- Check back in. Check in after a conversation for understanding and to find out how the conversation made the young person feel, or how their thoughts and reflections have changed, if at all. This might spark new conversations, and help conversations about sexuality be ongoing.
- Provide resources. Share books, podcasts, websites and other resources your young person might enjoy learning from.
General tips for sexuality conversations
- Stay calm and keep an open mind. You will likely learn more about your young person and yourself during this process!
- Move at a pace that’s right for you and your young person. These are ongoing conversations and you don’t need to cover everything at once.
- Be honest. Share accurate information. It’s okay and good to set boundaries on sharing personal information.
- Be empathetic. This might be a new topic for your loved one and they may have a range of feelings including nervous, uncomfortable, eager and even surprised.
- Have fun and explore this tool. It’s okay to laugh and have fun with this topic!
Other helpful parent resources:
General Conversation Starters
Here are some ideas to get you started talking about sexuality with your loved one. Pay close attention to their answers and follow up with resources that are relevant to them.
What are you interested in learning about bodies, relationships, sex, and sexual health (e.g. birth control, sexually transmitted infection testing, pregnancy, etc)?
What do you think makes a good relationship?
Who do you feel most comfortable (or uncomfortable?) talking about bodies, relationships and sexual health with?
What would you want from a romantic relationship?